how to be both the madonna and the whore (yes, it's possible)

Introduction

The Madonna Whore Complex is one of the most controversial topics in psychology. It's also one of the most misunderstood. This complex has been blamed for everything from cheating husbands to teenage pregnancy, but it can also be a force for good in your love life. I'm going to explain how you can channel your inner Madonna or whore and be both at once.

Freud's Ideas

Sigmund Freud believed that all of us have two competing sexual urges: the life force and the death drive. The life force is our desire to reproduce, which manifests itself as an interest in sex. The death drive is a wish for destruction, or "Thanatos," which drives us as well but does so via aggression or destruction rather than reproduction.

Freud also thought that men were generally driven by the death drive and women by the life force (and therefore were more sexually restrained). He saw women as having very little libido (or lust) because they were more driven by their need to care for children and family members than they were with having sex (think of how many times you've heard someone say "Women want to be loved and taken care of."). Women who enjoyed sex too much could be considered hysterics, which was perceived as unattractive and undesirable by Freud.

Men had an inherent conflict between enjoying sex with many different partners while wanting monogamous relationships with just one person at any given time. This conflict led Freud to develop his famous theory of the Madonna-Whore Complex: Men wanted to have sex with women they felt were pure and virtuous, but also wanted to sleep with "dirty" women. Men who had this complex often experienced anxiety and guilt when they thought about their mother or sister in a sexual way; they would then try to resolve this conflict by either trying to suppress their desires.

Freud believed that men had a biological urge to have sex with as many women as possible, while women had the opposite urge: to be with one man. The Madonna Whore complex is the idea that a man will unconsciously associate his mother with his wife or girlfriend and feel guilty if he has sexual thoughts about someone who reminds him of his mother. Women also experience this complex; they may feel guilt if they think of themselves as “whores” for having sexual thoughts about other men besides their husbands or boyfriends (their father figures). Freud thought these unconscious feelings should be repressed because he didn't like how they caused people to feel shame about their natural urges.

"Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they cannot love."

Men want women who are both maternal and sexual. They want, unconsciously or not, for their partner to be chaste, pure and full of innocence. But they also want us to be provocative and at times, downright dirty. Men want these “good girls” at home while we work long hours at the office, but also need “bad girls” on Friday night when we get home from work.

No matter how much men try to convince themselves otherwise, most men want both qualities in their women: they want the pure and good Madonna, but they also have a deep desire for the sexually adventurous and fun loving Whore. The Madonna Whore Complex refers to the belief that women can be divided into two groups: pure and good (Madonna) or seductive and bad (Whore). Men are taught that women are either a Madonna or a Whore, and women have to fit into one of these categories. The problem with this is that the Madonna—the quintessential, perfect woman—exists only in men's fantasies. And even if she actually exists (for some reason), it's unlikely that you'll ever get to meet her. Even though we all know what kind of woman we'd like to get involved with (a nice person who wants commitment), deep down inside, most men still have fantasies about sleeping with someone else - someone more exciting than their current partner; someone who may offer them something different from what they already have at home.

How to be simultaneously the Madonna and the Whore

In order to channel the inner Madonna or the inner whore, you must first be confident in your abilities and figure out what you most commonly present as. It is possible to be both the Madonna and the whore, but the key to maintaining a balance is knowing when to tap into each one. If you're in a situation where it would be appropriate to channel your inner Madonna, then do so! If the situation calls for something more provocative, then go ahead and let your inner seductress out. Remember that you can be multi-dimensional and that you don't have to limit yourself. We are all multifaceted and capable of being both loving and sexual at the same time. It's also important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to be. Just because someone thinks you're sexy doesn't mean that they won't find your inner Madonna equally alluring; in fact, it might even make them even more interested in who you are as a person.

Another important element of being both a Madonna and a Whore is having an open mind; this means being willing to learn new things as well as being willing to compromise when necessary. Explore any fantasies you may have and get in touch with the sexual side of yourself if you want to lean more into your inner Whore. If you're afraid of what people may think, try not to worry about it; after all, you're not hurting anyone by exploring your own sexuality. If you want to cultivate your inner Madonna, show your nurturing, more vulnerable side to your partner, and don't be afraid to be perceived as soppy or as a prude.

Finally, and perhaps counterintuitively, try to maintain a sense of self. It's important to have a strong sense of self when you're trying to balance being both a Madonna and a Whore; if you don't feel comfortable being sexy just because someone else thinks it's hot, lean into what makes you feel most empowered. The Madonna-Whore complex is simply a way of showing your duality, and how multifaceted and interesting you are. We’re all wired with a Madonna/Whore complex. It’s part of being human. The trick is to recognise it and find ways to channel both sides of yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself. Of course, it's also important to remember that we're all unique. Some of us have more of a Madonna complex than a Whore one. The key is finding balance between the two—and knowing when to let go of your inhibitions in order to be yourself.